Here is our Owl visitor isn't he a cutie?! 

C'est L'Halloween!

Its Halloween everyone!!! whoo hoo! I had an overly productive weekend, Saturday was devoted to getting my car in for its 10,000 km service check up. As per usual it costs a crapload of money, damn dealerships! I also had to order a bottle of touchup paint, somehow there was a ding in my nice blue car and of course Micha noticed cause he's the one who drives it the most. I get his old beat up car while he gets to drive my new one all the time... Ah the sacrifices of not really having the money to pay for a car and having him pay for it. Can't complain so I won't. Anyway, I finally finished my shopping for Christmas for the bf. It took me an hour of comparison shopping in the little mall but I finally did it! Yay me! I also went to the little paint your own pottery place this weekend and painted a bowl for Micha for Christmas. Took me 3 whole hours but I got it done. Had alittle bit of grocery shopping (120 dollars worth is alittle right?) and then headed home to unpack all my loot. The thing that just made my weekend was gutting and carving my pumpkins! There's just something about sticking both hands inside a huge orange orb of a pumpkin and grabbing onto the squishy innards to yank them out! I loved it! I gutted and carved three pumpkins and made a pumpkin snowman of sorts. The larger one on the bottom had skeleton legs and hips and of course feet, the middle one had the skeleton arms and back bone and rib cage and then the little pumpkin on top have the skeleton eyes, nose and mouth! It turned out better then I expected and I had to light it up to take some pictures I'll put them up here later! I was just sooo proud!

Other then that I cleaned the apartment as per usual and made Micha do the laundry because well it was his turn Gosh darnit! We had a huge argument last night cause he pissed me off royally that morning and we avoided each other all day which was fine by me. Sunday was a write off I was mad and upset and couldn't wait for the day to get over. Nevertheless I couldn't just leave things as they were between us so I had to have my say and get my feelings heard and as per usual the bf didn't receive this news well. We were on the brink of ending things, he was so mad and I was sick of him going off the deep end I was on the point of packing but after long agonizing minutes of not knowing what to do, where to go, we sorted things out, confessed our love for eachother and went to bed. I'm still feeling alittle rocky about the whole thing but time will make it better just got to look at the positive, ergo the fact that its Halloween!!! Yay! I can't wait to see those little kids come knocking on the door and the candy mmmmm! Happy Halloween everyone!!!!

The most amazin sight!

The usual work day goes by slowly for me, sometimes mixed up with random goings on around our little office. Well today wasn't just a little random going on, BP came running out of his office announcing that there was an owl right outside his window. Of course JG, My boss and I go running in to see. Lo and behold sitting right before us, in the middle of downtown, all non-chalantly perched upon a tree branch was a brown and white little owl. The cameras come out and the video cameras start to record the action, only the only action is the wind ruffling the birds feathers and the turning of the owls head, which if you have never ever seen an owl up close is an amazing sight to see. We were enthused but wanted more! So up the flight of stairs we go to the second floor windows to see if we can get a better look. Of course we do and it seems as if the owl is watching us too. Down below in the street we see people flocking out of their buildings for a look-see. Along with a very tall, very blonde male, photographing the whole scene with high priced cameras. My boss and I take to the roof yearning to get an even better look, and it was truly eye-catching the owl looked right at us and watched us move along the roof top towards him. He was spectacular, I was awe struck. We took pictures and just stood there gazing at him, hoping for a brief movement of head, a blinking of an eye, a preening of feathers and when they would occur the camera would start flashing. Next thing I know I'm heading to the door to bring the very tall, very blonde photographer to our roof to take some close ups of his own. He was from the Daily News on the way back to the office from a press conference when he noticed the commotion. After many, many pictures, he took down our names and we all headed back inside to leave the owl in peace. How awesome is that though!

Trip to Giverny anyone?

The land of the artists and painters, from one side of Europe to the other, I am craving Giverny France though. I want to stroll in Monets garden, see his unfinished work in his home studio, see how he lived and where he lived and all the inspirations for his art in real life. I think he is the best impressionist that ever lived and wish I could only see the world the way he did. I've tried to imitate some of his art with my own little flare but nothing compares to the real Monet. The colours and the play of light on the canvas come alive right before my eyes I love to gaze into a painting and get lost in the scene. I've always wondered what it was like in the time that Monet was in his painting prime, the fancy hats and clothing, the lovely flowers and the countryside that stretches unfailingly for miles and miles. How I would love to visit France, canvas and brush and paint and easel in tow and set myself up in Monets garden, right beside his waterlily pond and just paint and paint and paint. I've been to Italy, I've done Germany, Switzerland and Scotland even Bermuda but the one place I crave desperately to go is France. Experience the people, the life, the sights and sounds, the smells and nuances ahhh that would be a treat. Anyone going and want some company? How I would love to come and explore!

Rain, rain, go away

Okay so it's not so bad I love the rain but the cold that comes along with it sucks! I am freezing to death in my little cubby hole of an office and I know if I'm freezing now its going to get even worse come winter time. Anyway on to new events. I was late for my cardio class last night due to my van pool being home late. I walk in, get changed, grab a bottle of water that I desperately needed even before I started the class and then head to our side of the gym to join the group. Only to discover that we get punished for my being late. Ummm what?? Are we like in grade school? You're going to punish the entire class for me being ten minutes late? Yes, yes she was. So after getting leers from my fellow ladies and token male, I might add, I felt like running away. What a way to make someone feel great about paying money to take your class lady, hello get some sense in that head of yours. We're paying you out of our pockets for a service that you provide, you shouldn't punish us for being late, its up to us if we want to take part or not you already have your money so what do you care? Silly people.

I was home for Dads birthday Sunday, we all sat around and had a family dinner and chocolate cake with chocolate ice cream. You can never get sick of that stuff. My grandpa was down from Cape Breton and we had a big family conference about him possibly moving in with my parents. He's having money troubles and can't afford to heat his home this year which is really bothersome to me and to my family, we just want to help him and take care of him cause we're like that, but Grandpas proud and he doesn't take well to aide. Nevertheless the ball is rolling in the right direction and I think in no time everyone will be happy. Yay! I would love to have my grandpa closer so I can spend more time with him.

Well back to the rain and the dreariness and the (ugh) cold...

Curling and the game of life

I remember when I was younger probably around 10 or 12 I would go down to the Glooscap Curling Club and watch my Grandfather curl. He was amazing, he always had his own technique not following everyones traditional moves and he was always great at it. We had a big family gathering one time at that curling rink around when I was 20 or 21. All of my moms side of the family took the ice along with my Grandpa and we hurled stones from one end to the other using the only terminology we knew 'HURRY, HURRY HARD!' I can still hear my grandpa telling me the way to throw the stone out of the hack how to aim for the broom the skip was holding. Its one of those memories that will last with me for my lifetime. My grandpas gone but the memories are forever. I had him with me tonight when I was at the local curling club taking the beginners crash course on curling. I wasn't the best but I knew that the one time I actually hurled that stone down that ice and it hit the other stone dead on that my grandpa was with me and he was proud. I miss him and will always miss him but at least I have all the memories. I love you Grandpa, God Bless.

P.S. You were the best teacher I ever had and I love you for being you.

Disruption on the streets

There is something absolutely fascinating about watching a film crew film a scene right in front of your eyes. Thats what I saw today coming back across the pedway from lunch. The pedway is a sidewalk that crosses the major roads downtown, windows all the way from one end to the other so you can feel like you're walking on air. Anyway, they're usually full of bustling 9-5ers wearing their business attire, along with just the regular folks and tourists milling around town. Today was the usual on the way towards my lunch date destination but on the way back the pedway was crammed full of people all lined up along the left hand side trying to catch a glimpse of the action going on down below. Me being of the curious sort had to see what they were all gawking and clawing to see so I push my way to the windows, thinking maybe there had been some sort of accident in the street or maybe some sort of cop action taking place right below us only to find the street blocked off on one side and a film crew going about their business. I had no clue who the actors were although many around me were claiming to have met that person or seen one of their movies. I was faintly and unusually interested, its not like I hadn't seen filming taking place before it happens quite frequently around my cozy little shire especially during the spring to summer months but this was different I could actually see the actors this time where as usually theres so many people milling around you're lucky if you can get a glimpse of arm or hair. Too bad I didn't know who it was it would have been interesting. Oh well that was my excitement for today now tis back to the grindstone and toiling away at my desk while dreaming of being in movies. Wouldn't that be fun?!

Tired and weepy

So I didn't get much sleep last night I had every intention of going to bed early, the whole night I half slept on the couch putting off going to bed too early because I always wake up way too early then. The bf got home from his regular night of goal keeping at the local rink and the night just spiraled downwards from there. Its not a nice feeling waking up on the couch, the lights still on and left all alone. He had gone to bed, without even saying goodnight which means he's pissed at me, the only thing is I had no clue why. All I did was watch That 70's Show and sleep on the couch while he was on the computer and taking his bath. Never the less my night ended up in spurts of raking gasps of breath, sobbing, crocodile tears and trips to the bathroom to blow my nose while the bf half-slept, half-ignored me. I'm seriously thinking about what my life would be like without him. Would I be happier? Would I really be better off? If things keep up this way I may just try it and see. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep, I'm sick of the jekyll and hyde drama that I live and most of all I'm sick of not being happy.

I'll think on this subject and get back to you, depending on how things go when I get home today I may just be making the next step towards life without misery.

********update**********

We have come to a conclusion that a mixture of sleep deprivation, Stress over work related incidents (his work) and PMS have brought us to a regular routine of getting on each others nerves. Also the fact that we live in the smallest apartment known to man and the only way to avoid eachother in the apartment is to hide in a closet has brought us to the ultimate decision that we love each other and thats all that matters so let the turmoil proceed but the relationship will go on. Thank god for having a guy who loves to cuddle when I'm upset.

Does nobody make an effort anymore?

I hate, absolutely and positively with much venom, HATE people who do not make an effort. I make an effort. I try to keep in touch as much as I possibly can but it gets really, really annoying to be the only one doing it! This pertains to everyone in my life, my friends, my family and even my own bf. I love to talk to people but I HATE having to be the one who has to call or come visit or whatever why can't people pick up a phone themselves and do it? Or even write me an email? I mean come on. AND don't get me started on people who complain about me not getting in touch with them enough, HELLO YOU HAVE A F**KIN' PHONE AND COMPUTER why can't you get IN TOUCH with me??? hmmmm? Yah I thought so... got nothing to say now eh? I'm ticked and I absolutely feel like ostracizing myself from everyone and anyone, on a deserted beach on a tropical island with only servants to keep me company. That would be fine with me. So in the famous words of Eric Cartman (I know I'm quoting South Park so what?? got a problem with that... I DON'T CARE) SCREW YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME... in 7 hours...ugh.

Just another Manic Monday

So the weekend went by in a blur! My bf and I headed to town in the worst rain storm known to man I almost blew off the road 100 times all the way there it was nuts. Anyway, we ended up at Future Shop where I ended up buying a Christmas gift that I had been searching for him for eras but never found at a good price, so what if he knows about it he ain't getting it till Christmas! HEE HEE We ended up at Pets Unlimited and are now seriously and direly hoping to get a couple of ferrets, I know what you're all thinking "ferrets are stinky" SO NOT TRUE! they are cute, cuddly and they only smell if you wash them too much. So we have priced the accessories we need for them to live comfortably, or as most people would say spoiled rotten, and we've decided that we are going to get them when we get back from our trip in Vegas next April. Of course we have yet to clear it with the landlord but hey we can still plan right up until the moment our dreams get crushed right? Anyway after all the rampaging at the Pets Unlimited where we unleashed some of the ferrets in the store, they are a definite handfull but still sooooo cute!, we headed to over to Dans house so I could drop Hun off for a diaper party he was going to, for those of you who have never heard of a diaper party its like a baby shower for guys but instead of doing the usual things you just bring diapers and beer hahaha, I dropped Hun off at the apartment along with all his overnight stuff which I knew he wasn't going to use cause he hates sleeping over anywhere, and headed to my parents house to visit and do laundry. 11:30 pm comes around and I get a call from a very intoxicated Hun asking me to come get him and Dan and one of his friends. So in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm along with pouring rain I drove to get them. When I got there, the place reeked of Mary Jane and Dan was passed out on the couch wearing depends underwear and a fuschia coloured lacy bra! Too funny! The funniest part was trying to take that off every guy tried but of course the woman had to do the job right hahaha. It took Dan twenty minutes to get up off the couch and then another twenty to barf his brains out in the bathroom and then we were headed to his home to take him to his very pregnant gf. Ten minutes later my Hun comes downstairs wanting to go home to our home, it wasn't happening, too wet, too windy and I wasn't in the mood to drive anymore in that. So we ended up back at my parents house where my Hun entertained my mom and dad and then, with my help, crashed in the bed and was out like a light, the cutie. Aww times like these make me realize how much I do love that Man.

On another note I was walking to the superstore on the other side of town today at lunch, just walking nonchalantly behind this older fellow, he was wearing a big black rain coat and carrying an umbrella and constantly looking over his shoulder at me. I wasn't however going to try to run past him he was going a good click and I was fine with the pace I was settled into but he kept looking over his shoulder at me, then look ahead and then back at me it was driving me nuts. So finally he stopped over to the side and fiddle with his umbrella but mostly to let me pass because as soon as I did he started walking again. I think that its so funny that some people get so antsy about having someone walk behind them. Can you imagine what life would be like for them in a big city like Toronto for example where there is no chance in hell that you wouldn't have people walking behind you downtown? Hee hee. Anyway that's my silliness for the day. I'm tired and can't wait to go home and I've got my taebo/aerobic class today so its time for me to bruise my muscles royally! hahaha. Have a great one!

Days like these

Okay so its friday again, how come I'm not more excited? All week I was praying for this day to come and now that its here I could care less. I've been counting down the hours all week from the time I woke up till the time I got home from work and even then when I was home relaxing I was counting the hours till I went to bed and then started the day all over again. The days go by but nothing interesting has happened to me. My life has become mundane. I used to be so busy, I used to have a life and go out and have a ton of people to call. But the list is shorter and no one wants to go anymore, no one wants to come over and hang out, no one wants to go out and dance, no one wants to do anything. Well I'm sure they do stuff but not with me. How sad do I feel? Very. I long for the times when all I had to do was show up at a bar and I knew there was at least five people there that I would know and could have fun with. Now I walk into a bar and I know nobody, NOBODY.
The biggest thing for me on the weekend is figuring out when I have time to do the laundry and clean the house. Ugh domestication sucks! Anyway, thats how it is, life gets old and I get old and time goes by and I'll still be mundane. I can see me 40 years from now sitting on the porch reading a book, wrapped up in a throw and rocking in a rocking chair. Thats not a bad image to have of myself in the future but when I do that now does that say something about me? I think so. HA HA. Well time to live more of my life and watch the hours go by.

The turnaround

I've been avoiding everyone lately, I haven't felt like talking to anybody about anything although at the same time I'm seeing more people this week then I have in over two months but yet I still haven't said much about me and what I'm doing and HOW I'm doing I'm avoiding the subject cause I really don't know how I am. I know that sounds weird but I have no freakin' clue how I am. I'm cranky and bored and just want to shut the world out and so thats what I've been up to. My hun is feeling the after affects of it, he's trying his darnedest to make me react to him but I just don't have it in me. I don't feel like smiling, even though a fake one seems to suffice, I don't feel like laughing or talking or having any contact at all I just want to be left alone. All alone. I wish I could take a trip somewhere by myself in a cottage in the back woods, sounds like the beginnings of a cheesy horror flick but anyway, I just want to get away and not have to focus on anyone but me. I don't want to deal with my friends, my family or my bf I just want to be with me. How crazy does that sound? Pretty crazy. *sigh* come on weekend so I can hole up in my bed and never come out.

Weekends go by so quickly

So the weekend is over yet again only four more days till the next one. This weekend was full of turkey, tons of food and a ton of family and friends. I spent Friday night out in the valley partying with the girls at our local night club, dancing the night away, getting free drinks and having fun. It was the regular routine find some boys dance the night away with them and then making them take us out for pizza afterwards. The night was complete at 3:30 am hee hee. I however was quite sober by the time we got back to my friends place and so desperately wanted to cuddle up next to my strong and cuddly bf that I drove home and finally hit the bed at 4:15am. Ahhh how I love to be held by him. Anyway, Saturday was his families thanksgiving dinner, tons of food and lots of conversation along with a heated game of hide and go seek with his little cousin it was a blast! Then off to the movies and home for the night. Sunday was my family dinner, and let me tell you my family dinner is an event in itself, 26 people altogether gathering around the food buffet set out all around the kitchen, appetizers everywhere you turn and kids running around having fun I just love it. All in all the weekend was great, some turmoil was had between me and my guy but it works itself out over time. Now I'm back here stuck at work toiling away on my blog cause I don't feel like doing anything but going back home and going to bed. I miss my comfy blankets and pillows and my cuddly bf. *sigh* another day another dollar.

Why?

Why is it when you look so forward to a weekend coming and you're just thinking about all your plans and what you have to do and where you're going to go and who you're doing it with you wind up sick? Thats how I'm feeling today, sick, malevolent and drained. A part of me is dying to still go out and to hell with the consequences and most likely thats what I'll end up doing but I think by the end of it all I'm going to end up in outpatients. I am sooo not feeling well... Well I will keep you posted (hee hee not too ill to make a pun so I definitely can go out and party all hours of the night and feel fine right? We'll see)

Well hello Thursday!

Its almost the long weekend thank the lord! Anyway, I love thursdays now cause I get to gossip and yak and eat with one of my good friends from school. Well today we were wandering down the street and doing some people talking and watching...we hit up the local pita place that has pitas I adore but sometimes the price gets alittle too much for a little pita and a can of pop. Anyway my vow to not buy anything for lunch and to just sit and gab to my friend El went out the door as soon as we stepped in. The place is just so tempting... anyway one small pita and a can of pop later we're sitting and gabbing about the old days. I miss the old days, have you ever noticed that no matter how much fun you have on any given day if you meet up with one of your good friends and one of you starts to get nostalgic both of you start and it just keeps going and going... well thats what happened, we talked for over an hour about the good times we had in school and out of school and it just makes you miss them even more. But it always seems that when you talk about the old days they always seem so much better then the present times. Well thats how I'm feeling today, nostalgic, missing the old times with the regular crews and wishing that I had a time machine to go back and do them all over again. Ahhh memories are great!

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be another one of those memory maker outings cause my good friend Lic is coming home from Toronto for the weekend and we're hitting that regular haunt and fighting off the regular crowd of men hahaha... can't wait for the boozing and schmoozing to begin! Come on friday!!!

So confused

I don't know what to do... someone give me some incite! Okay I should explain the dilemma, my other half has been doing something all summer that I totally do not approve of and am entirely threatened by which makes me mad that it makes me so insecure cause I am a secure person and I trust sometimes way too easily. He's been doing this, we'll call it "camming", for at least three months that I know of and the only reason I ever found out was by chance although of course he thought I was snooping but I tell you all right now I do not snoop I think being oblivious is sometimes the best thing ever but since I accidentally uncovered his secret and confronted him with it I've been so insecure that I have caught myself questioning his every action, move and word. He's lied and has continued to lie to me on a regular basis and he thinks I'm dumb enough to fall for it, I have to give him some credit he has told me about "camming" when I confronted him but only the truth that he wanted to tell not all of it. It pisses me off so much that he does that, how can we have a stable commited relationship if he lies?? How can I ever trust him totally if I know that he's lying but am too chicken to confront him on it?? ARGH!

So I'm at a loss as to what to do, the "camming" had stopped for awhile when he held true to his word for once and told me all about what was going on and that he was waiting to find out the verdict before he went forward with it, but now he's found out that he benefits and he wants to do it and I don't want him to. I know I'm wrong on not letting him do what he wants but I hate it I hate the way it makes me feel I hate the insecurity and the lying and the discovering information by seeing him doing something while he claims he's somewhere else and it makes me so mad but mostly it makes me so sad and depressed and down on myself and just overall like s**t.... isn't the person who is supposed to love me with all his heart supposed to want to make me happy? Isn't he supposed to sacrifice things for me like I do for him? So anyway he says he won't do it cause theres no point in doing it cause it makes me unhappy but I can tell in the tone in his voice that he's pissed off about it and that in the end what he's going to end up doing is doing it anyway and lying even more and covering himself up even more and pulling away even more... I am so lost... I am so hurt... I am so UNHAPPY.... I think that sometimes maybe we should end things, maybe the compromises are too much for both of us, maybe he deserves someone else who will put up with this crap and maybe I deserve someone better than him. I love him so much and I really and honestly, deep down never want to let him go but I want him to stop "camming" I'll do anything to make him stop. *sigh* Vent session over. If anybody ever reads this I welcome any help you have to give.

Come on weekend!

Howdy all! Well I am dying, not literally but I'm just dead tired, I headed out to my cardio program last night at the local high school and nearly keeled over. The worst part about it is I go straight from the van ride home to the school and then have to change and don't really have time to do anything before the class starts but at least I won't have a chance to think about whether or not I want to go today cause I'll already be there and theres no point in going back hahaha. Anyway, we had a new instructor and she was a maniac! It started out fine just doing the regular aerobic impact stuff then all of a sudden she's throwing in claps and knee lifts and twirls while half of us are still back at the toe tapping part, nevertheless I was tired as hell by the time I was finished but it felt good. The best part is when I got home K macka was over again as usual and as per the usual visits my bf is stuck in front of the television playing playstation with him. I was hoping he had made dinner for me cause I was starving but was so not in the mood to cook after I had finished my shower and all that. Well wouldn't you know it the bestest bf in the world told me supper was ready and waiting for me! Yay! awww I love him. I know sappy I'll stop hahaha.

On another note the long weekend is coming up and I am dying to go out dancing with the girls! My friend from Ontario is coming home and we're hitting our old haunts and having some fun I am soooo excited and can't wait to get my groove on! Come on Friday!