Christmas shopping starts early

I have officially started shopping for everyone! Yay! I think I have the task at hand pretty much under control well at least I have a list made and a list of what I already bought people so I don't end up forgetting again like last year and buying two gifts hahaha. Anyway I have started and I feel really good about getting this Christmas thing nipped in the butt my Visa is soooo going to take a bashing this Christmas but that's what its for right? hee hee.

On another note yesterday night was great! Our regular visitor K macka came over for his usual night with us. I should explain this. My bfs good friend K macka has taken to coming over to our apartment every Monday and Thursday night to chill with us. It was a welcome occasion especially when said bf was out all week doing extra work with his brother-in-law and me left at home to fend for myself in utter boredom at least I knew that on Mondays and Thursdays I'd have someone to hang with for sure. Its like an old reliable blanket, you love it when you need it but sometimes it gets really old... anyway we went through a period where I was getting kind of sick of having someone over all the time and having to be home just in case this person showed up cause I would feel so bad if he came up and nobody was home. I got past this period though and look forward to having K macka over for chat night. Lately my bf has been home more so him and K macka usually end up playing playstation all night or some other such thing but at least its fun. Well we were just sitting down to enjoy the wonderful Family Guy movie which I direly want to see, when my bfs sister Shell comes over to use the internet. To elaborate on this point it was more like she came over to get us to help her with the internet because she is very computer illiterate hee hee, I love the girl to death though and I was more then happy to help her look up whatever she wanted. We are currently in the planning stages of heading to Las Vegas as one huge group, well my bfs side of the family is, they all want to go in April so Christmas on that side has been called off this year so they can save the funds to go and I am all gung ho with that. My bf and I are still buying stuff for eachother just because I have already started and I love giving gifts its the best thing in the whole world! Anyway off track lets go back to the story at hand, Shell was looking for the hotels that the Travel Agent was looking into for us, and there was this one hotel called Mirage that is absolutely amazing! We are vying for that one cause it is soooo nice! After all this hotel perusing I am craving this vacation soooo badly... We were about to shut down the computer when Shell asked me to show her The Ring that I want. Now The Ring is exactly what you think it is.. it is my future wedding set and I am absolutely head over heels for it!

I know this is what I'm getting but the question is when... I'm not saying that I am dying to have it any time soon but sometimes a girl just wishes she had it so she could show everyone. Well my bf is a great guy and he has already told me that if its what I want then its what I'm getting but he is going through a period in his life where he's happy where everything is in our relationship and its gone alittle stagnant for me. My theory is if we know its going to happen someday why do we have to wait so long for it... I just want the Engagement ring for the moment, we can think about the other stuff later, but he's on this whole 5 year plan thing... and we have to get a house first and all that jazz... and I'm totally into that too but theres parts of me that want that ring so bad that I can taste it... and the fact that I'm even thinking that means something for me. If you ask anyone of my good friends they would tell you that I am not the one who talked about getting married and having a house and kids until the day I met my Micha. Anyway back to Shell, she just loved the ring and she can't wait till I get it either hee hee. Aww to dream, the best thing in the world is daydreaming about your future.

I love an apology

I got home yesterday still alittle bit pissed off from what happened the night before and all ready to avoid the cause of my pissed-offness as soon as he got home but he did what he always does, Wins me over. I was sitting on our couch when he got home and he automatically was all smiles which usually means that hes trying to cheer me up cause he knew he did something or said something wrong. Two seconds later he is cuddling next to me on the couch and hurray apologizing for what happened. Obviously he was feeling crappy all day about what he did and said and it weighed on his mind so much he had to clean the air as soon as he got home. Gotta love when they think about you continuously throughout the day that they start to actually think about their actions towards you and regret them. Anyway to make a long story short things are resolved and back to normal, the issue has yet to be discussed in full blown detail but instead of him placing the blame all on me he has come to the understanding that its both our faults and we both need to work on resolving it. Ahhh I hit that curve ball dead on this time.

On another note have you ever noticed that when you are dying to go to sleep but can't because your mind won't stop working you tend to be crankier in the morning? This happened to me last night and boy was I cranky when I woke up, not in one of those I'm going to bite your head off ways but one of those I don't feel like smiling at all ways. I wish I had a switch that I could just press when I want to go to sleep and shut down my thought processes. I wasn't even thinking about anything substantial it was just randomness that wouldn't stop swirling in my brain! Well whatever I'm cranky and I don't feel like writing anymore so I'm stopping.

I hate lifes huge pot holes!

So as you can tell I'm having a really s**tty day. I feel like I'm living a lie sometimes, like my life has taken a course I haven't travelled in forever but I'm stuck on the track meanwhile my brain wants to veer totally off course and strike out on its own. The emotions of turmoil from within cause my heart to pound one second and then die to almost nothing the next all the while my shell of a body goes through my usual mundane schedule of daily life accordingly. I keep getting thrown curveballs left, right and centre and no matter how much I think I'm prepared for them I can never connect with one and make a perfect hit *sigh* I sometimes wish I could have a closet fortune teller who could tell me the future and tell me which path is the best path to choose for me but at the same time I believe we all have a destiny and no matter what everyday life throws at us we'll all end up at where we were pre-destined to be. I am so conflicted with life, mostly my homelife at the moment I'm at a total loss as to what to do with it, no matter how hard you try to be something for someone else at the end of it all you're not happy cause you weren't yourself and maybe you made that person happy for one measly second but the next day if you go back to being you the maniacal cycle starts all over again. Always ending with someone being put out and hurt. ARGH! Matters of the heart are so hard to deal with, especially if you are engrossed in another individual as much as I am that you can't picture life without them in it. I hate being torn but at the same time it makes me feel something at least and that's always better then feeling nothing at all. The worst part of everything is trying to communicate with someone who doesn't feel as open about it as you do. Trying to crack that outer shell and get to that special nut. My shells been cracked and my nut is showing and every time it gets marred it starts to piece its shell back together around itself for protection. I want to be back in my safe cosy shell but at the same time I want to be out and free.

I'll leave with this piece of advice: No matter how tough things are between two people who really care about eachother at the end of it all there's love and if the love isn't there you will know by the actions you take on that make you build not one shell around yourself but two or even three, if you totally shell yourself up from the person in question and never let it budge then its time to find another who you can open your shell up again. I know from experience that once you find that someone who no matter how many hard times you go through you still have a missing piece left after you start to build your shell, even a meagre little space where you're still peeking through then you have found someone you belong with. Someone who makes it extremely impossible no matter what to build an entire shell up to protect yourself from. Hold tight to those ones, times are tough sometimes but at the end of it all there's true love.

It's raining its pouring I wish I could be snoring...

So its a rainy and dreary day, everyone gets into a mood, I however highly enjoy the rain. I honestly wish we could have an all out thunder and lightning show performed live by mother nature but alas I am jilted. I took on my regular routine of walking to my moms work for lunch today and wouldn't you know as soon as I step out the door the skies open upon my head. Unlike most people though I relish in the rain, I love to hear the drops hit the top of my hood and bounce up from the sidewalk as I walk up the hill. After a filling and angst filled lunch with random unknowns interupting conversations I head out back to work and back to the tasks I have at hand there. Of course I put my hood back up, not only due to the fact that the sky has a tendency to send an onslaught upon me at any moment but also because my jacket has been drenched in rain and the collection of it has started to seep through the edges so its always good to keep parts seperated so the collection area is smaller at my back. However to my shock the sky has relinquished its dripping state and turned into a cloud filled and still dreary but warm afternoon haze. I'm still keeping my hood up though just for good measure. The hilarious part of this whole situation is how many people you walk by, they are all staring at you as if you're insane cause you're still shielding yourself from this non-existant downpour. A few ladies walked steadily past me and of course gave me the double take then stare down at their umbrellas unsure of whether they should tell me that 'dear its not raining' or whether they should put up their umbrellas in a foreboding feeling that I can predict the future. Not two minutes after I step through the door at work does the sky open up again and come down in huge and fast drops. I certainly hope the ladies took my hood wearing as a sign and put up their umbrellas cause if not they definitely got soaked. hee hee...

On another note, I have started my cardio blast program at the local high school gym and love it already! Out of the 12 people attending there are only two men hee hee they feel quite out of place but I'm sure they're enjoying their situation. After getting thoroughly exhausted with all the tae bo moves and the jogging I am ready to head home and get some cold, cold, cold and I mean cold water in me. Have you ever noticed that no other temperature other then extremely cold straight out of the fridge water can taste so good and quench your thirst so quickly? I have and I relish it. I'm craving some now... dang water coolers that don't let the water cool enough... I have to drink my tepid water here at my desk while I crave for my freezing cold water sitting at home on the top shelf of my fridge.... *sigh* sometimes its great to have a plan and follow through with it. I always say to myself, 'Today! you're going to bring in your water bottle that you have frozen in the freezer and you're going to keep it in the fridge and take it out as you need it.' As of yet it still has not left my freezer. hee hee...

On that note, enjoy rainy days and hope for the thunder and lightning storms that come with them, cause usually always somewhere at the end of a rainstorm theres a rainbow.

I've got my eyes on you 

Have you ever noticed?

Have you ever noticed that when the weekends go by so fast its because you did absolutely nothing during it? Thats how my weekend went, although I can't say I did absolutely nothing ALL weekend but for the most part. The best part about it is it feels good to do nothing! The worst part is the wee hours before the clock tones the time for you to head for bed on sunday night and you dread the waking hours cause you know you have to get up and start your work week again. I tell you though waking up at 5:30 in the morning was something I dreaded but once you get used to it your body automatically makes the transition and wakes you up before the alarm ever starts to blare. I miss the extra five minutes of sleep that I can get in before I have to drearily crawl myself out of bed while I watch my handsome bf curl up into a ball on my side of the bed and clutch my pillow to him. I'm jealous that he gets to sleep an extra hour and a half but at the same time I love to see him curl up with my pillow just cause he can't cuddle up to me. *sigh* Mondays seem to go on forever but once you reach hump day (wednesday for all those who aren't up on the hump day lingo) the week begins to fly by. COME ON HUMP DAY! hahaha

With that thought in mind enjoy your Monday as you will, either it be your usual routine or a variation of the same I hope it goes quickly for you and happily return to your home and sleep a fulfilling sleep to tide you over till tomorrow.